


Everything Will Be Alright

by huntingmyths



Category: Glee
Genre: Assisted Suicide, Attempted Murder, M/M, Past Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 16:20:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huntingmyths/pseuds/huntingmyths
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sebastian has a panic attack in the halls of Dalton, it happens to be David and a visiting Kurt who find him. A secret he has never spoken of comes to the surface and, as that secret is revealed, the walls he has worked so hard to put up are slowly crumbling down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Will Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TotoroPirate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotoroPirate/gifts), [Niff5Ever](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Niff5Ever), [raspberriesandcolfer](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=raspberriesandcolfer).



> This was inspired by trailers for A Mother's Nightmare before the movie came out. The songs included in this story are Sanctuary by Paradise Fears and Stand by Lenny Kravitz.

Sebastian Smythe wasn’t a bad person. He was a 4.0 student, head of the Warblers, and captain of the Lacrosse team even though he was just a junior. Sure he started drinking when he was fifteen. And yeah, he slept around a lot, but he was a teenage boy. He had a high libido and he got it where he could find it.

He didn’t feel like such a good person at the moment, though. He’d just heard about Dave Karofsky’s suicide attempt and he could barely hold himself together. All the memories that he’d buried so far down and tried so hard to forget were coming back like they had just happened.

He stumbled down the hallway towards his dorm, when he slouched against a wall. He slowly slid down, his face hidden in his hands as he tried to calm himself down. His heavy breathing and the sweat that was dripping down his face as he was close to a panic attack. He just couldn’t calm himself down and his anxiety medicine was all the way back at his dorm.

Footsteps echoed through the empty corridor, coming closer and closer. They stopped for just a moment before they quickened, someone calling his name. Someone touching his arm, causing him to pull away and panic even more. He knew that it wasn’t her, knew that she couldn’t possibly be there, but his brain wouldn’t recognize that.

“Sebastian.” He pulled away as a hand tried to pull his hands away from his face. “Stop.” The voice was commanding and pulled him back to present. “Deep breaths. Just take deep breaths. Don’t fight it, alright? Just relax and breathe deeply.”

“How do you know how to do this?” Now that he was beginning to calm down, he could recognize David’s voice.

“I used to have panic attacks after my mom died.” The second voice was soft and more feminine but Sebastian couldn’t place it. “I started getting them in high school and had a couple while I was here. They weren’t so bad, but I know how to stop them.”

“Seb-” He pulled away again as he felt the hand on his arm again.

So go ahead and lie to yourself,  
And pretend that you’re a ray of light,  
When you’re broken candle

You’re keeping time with yourself,  
When did you start moving way too fast,  
For you to handle

Sebastian could feel the panic beginning to settle as the words ran through the hallway. The voice was strong, but comforting at the same time. The person singing wasn’t feeling pity or trying to hurt him. No, this person was trying to help him the same way his mom had when he was still living with her. Back when all of this started.

You’re short on breath but heavy on time,  
You lost the words but you found the rhyme,  
It’s all just poetry now

The walls are singing,  
Hallelujah amen,  
The walls are singing,  
Hallelujah amen

It’s so dark in the room,  
And the ceilings are high,  
You know the feeling,  
You’ve been here before

And it’s a broken old pew,  
And it’s an echoing cry,  
Don’t sell yourself short

On breath and heavy time,  
You lost the words but you found the rhyme,  
It’s all just poetry now

Sebastian began singing along with the other person, their voices melding into one. His voice was weak as he sang, though. His entire body was so tired.

The walls are singing,  
Halleluja amen,  
The walls are singing,  
Hallelujah amen

The walls are singing,  
Hallelujah amen,  
The walls are singing,  
Halleluja amen

Finally looking up, he saw none other than Kurt Hummel kneeling in front of him with a concerned look. The boy had his hands in his lap as he looked Sebastian straight in the eye without pity or anger. This look was one of acceptance and sadness he’d never seen in the public school boy’s eyes before.

“Are you okay to stand up?” Sebastian just continued to stare at Kurt, confused about why he was here. Why he was helping someone who had done nothing but bully him. He wouldn’t have blamed Kurt if he’d just continued to walk past without a second glance. Sebastian deserved that. “We need to get you to your room, Sebastian. Can you stand?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words. Instead, he nodded and pushed himself up, swaying before Kurt caught his arm. They walked at Sebastian’s pace with David behind them, the three boys completely silent. They should’ve been asking why he’d had a panic attack in the hall but they just let the silence sit.

“Do you have your room key?” Kurt asked, his voice still soft.

Sebastian pulled it out, fumbling with the lock before Kurt gently took the key and opened the door, letting them all in. They helped Sebastian take off his blazer and sit down on the bed before Kurt moved over to the mini-fridge that sat in the room, pulling out a bottle of water and handing it over.

“Are you going to be okay?” Kurt questioned.

“Why did you help me?”

“You were having a panic attack in the middle of an empty hallway. After classes.” It sounded like the most obvious thing in the world, which made Sebastian feel extremely stupid for even asking. “I know what it’s like to have a panic attack. I saw you and after what happened with Dave…”

“I-I didn’t mean to.” Sebastian stared down at the bottle of water in his hands, avoiding eye contact. “I know I said some bad things, but I never thought…”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Sebastian stiffened at the hand on his back. “Dave was going through some bad things. This guy from his school saw us talking on Valentines Day and outed him to everyone. He couldn’t handle the hate and the pressure.”

He nodded, feeling the hand on his back begin to rub circles. He closed his eyes, trying to fight off the images that were starting to come back. He couldn’t take them any more, grateful for David asking, “Why were you having a panic attack in the first place? It couldn’t have just been from guilt.”

Sebastian frowned as he opened the bottle of water, sipping it just enough to feel the cool droplets slide down his throat. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt as though he could trust them with this. Trust them with something that he didn’t trust anyone else with.

“You don’t have to tell us,” Kurt assured him. “It’s not our place if you don’t want us to know.”

“No, I want to.”

Kurt nodded in agreement, his hand never leaving Sebastian’s back as he began to speak.

“Two years ago, I lived with my parents in Gresham, Oregon - just outside of Portland. It was a really nice place and the school wasn’t bad either, especially for a public school. I was on the track team and the lacrosse team. I hadn’t come out to my parents; they were both raised extremely conservative so I was afraid of how they would react.

“I met this girl. Kerry… Kerry Miller.” He took a couple of deep breaths, trying to keep from having another panic attack. “She was nice and fun. We had a lot of fun together and I thought that I could hide from everything and pretend to be straight with her. I was always around her and she became more demanding, always around. I stopped seeing my family and friends. My grades started to drop and I quit track and lacrosse, but she was always happy and so I let those things happen. I kept telling myself I wanted to quit track and lacrosse; it was a bad paper or a bad test.

“When my parents got a divorce, my mom convinced me to break up with her. She threatened to send me with my dad to Ohio if I didn’t. I couldn’t leave, especially when all of my friends and my life were in Oregon.

“So I broke up with her. Only, she didn’t take it so well. She told the school that I had r-raped her.”

The last two words had been punctuated by a sob as Sebastian finally let everything out. His parents knew most of what happened, along with his therapist, but this was the first time he’d admitted out loud what had happened.

He could hear the police questioning him and the verbal abuse he suffered at school from that day on. His whole life in Oregon had been ruined because of what Kerry had done to get back at him. He wasn’t even sure he could pull himself together enough to finish the story without another panic attack, but he had to try.

The hand was still on his back, but this time, Kurt pulled Sebastian down so his head was laying in the other boy’s lap. Sebastian closed his eyes, trying to fight back the tears that were already sliding down his already tearstained face.

“Life just started getting impossible. I had police questioning me and looking into my life. I didn’t have anymore friends and I kept getting these messages threatening me and I would get shoved into lockers and tormented each day. I didn’t know that she had started the rumor, but I just couldn’t…

“One day, Kerry came up to me after school and told me… she said that she was the only one who cared for me. I believed her, especially after everything that was going on. I had no friends, my parents refused to talk to me. My dad didn’t want me to move with him because that would tarnish his reputation.

“This one day, we went to my house after school. We went into the garage to hang out. She gave me some water and I… I didn’t know that it had been spiked. I didn’t know that she’d put something in it. I drank it and started feeling… like I was flying? I couldn’t focus and my body just felt heavy, but I could still see and feel what was going on.”

“You don’t have to continue,” Kurt whispered as he ran his fingers through Sebastian’s hair when he’d stopped for a breath and to fight back another sob. “It’s okay.”

“She-she had ripped my shirt and I was just wearing shorts. I was so afraid she was going to… to rape me. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t… I couldn’t even tell her no.

“She took pictures of me sitting there before… she had two belts tied to a chain. She put one of the belts around my neck and kissed me, taking a picture of our last kiss. I can still remember the feel of her lips, of the feel of the belt around my neck, just loose enough for me to breathe.

“She wanted to make it look like I had committed suicide. Like the pressure became too much for me and I had wanted to end it. I didn’t, though. I had been there when my sister killed herself when I was twelve. I had watched her and I couldn’t do anything.”

“I didn’t know you had a sister,” David spoke up. “You’ll have to tell us about her another time.”

Sebastian nodded, grateful for the change of subject for a moment. He was able to take a breath and compose himself, but his head still never left Kurt’s lap. He didn’t know if he could get through the rest of this without a comforting touch. If this was any other time, he would have scoffed at the idea of being comforted by Kurt “Gay Face” Hummel.

“I can remember my mom’s screams just before I passed out. Just before the last bit of air left my lungs and I could only see black. There wasn’t any light at the end of the tunnel like they tell you, but there was darkness and silence. It was nice, especially after everything that had happened.

“I woke up in the hospital two weeks later. I’d been in a coma and Kerry had been arrested. They’d found Rohypnol in my blood and realized that she’d drugged me and with my mom witnessing what had happened, they had started to piece things together.”

He sat up and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, allowing it to slip down his shoulders and reveal marks along his neck. He knew that he would probably have them the rest of his life. They would always be a reminder of what had happened. As much as he wanted to forget, he knew that it would never be possible.

“Sebastian…”

“The scars won’t ever disappear so even if I want to forget, I can’t.”

“They’re a reminder.” He looked at Kurt in confusion. “That you’re strong enough to have survived that. You’re strong even if people look down on you. You survived something so terrible, Sebastian. And you’re still here and loved by so many people.”

“Why?” He continued to look at Kurt, trying to understand him. This boy was so confusing to him. “I’ve been nothing but rude and a bully to you for so long.”

“So was Dave.” Bear Cub was a bully to Kurt? That guy couldn’t even hurt a fly. “He bullied me from the time we were in elementary school up until last year when he finally admitted that he did it because he was scared.”

“Kurt?” The two boys looked over at David, who was sitting against the wall. “It’s getting late. I don’t think you should be driving home. Do you want to stay in my room?”

“Uh, sure. Just let me call my dad.”

Sebastian stared off into space as he thought about what Kurt had said. It was true he didn’t mean anything he said to the boy. It was just a way to protect himself from anyone getting close to him. He was afraid of letting anyone in again after what happened with her. He didn’t think he could allow himself to be pushed that far again so he pushed everyone away instead.

“A friend was having trouble so I stayed to help him… I know. I love you too… Bye.” Kurt hung up and smiled at the two boys. “I’m just glad tomorrow’s Saturday and Regionals isn’t until Monday.”

“Kurt?” Sebastian watched as his head turned to look at him. He could see the concern in the other boy’s eyes. “Could you… could you stay with me? I mean…”

“Yeah. I’d be glad to stay with you.”

David left the two alone after being reassured by Kurt that it was fine. Sebastian gave Kurt a pair of pajamas before pulling a pair of pajama pants on himself. They lay together on the bed, spooning as Sebastian played with Kurt’s fingers as the boy’s arm was around his waist. He had never spooned before and had to admit that he was glad he could trust someone enough to be so close.

“Kurt?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad I told you.” Sebastian’s voice was soft, barely a whisper. “I never told anyone what had happened. Everyone only knew because of her.”

“I’m glad you told me too. If you ever need anything, you can always come to me.”

**

Three days later, Sebastian stood backstage with the Warblers as they waited to perform. Kurt had actually suggested the song before he left to head back to McKinley, but they hadn’t told him that they were using it.

“You ready?” David asked, putting a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“Yeah. I think I am.”

The two exchanged one last smile before the announcer began naming off the judges. Sebastian was ready to let go of his demons and move on.

Come on and stand up again  
Stand you’re gonna run again

Don’t give up you’re gonna see tomorrow  
That you’ll be on your feet again  
Sometimes the world’s gonna knock you over  
But you will see who are your friends

Come on and stand up again  
Come on and stand  
Stand you’re gonna run again

You have the power to face your demons  
No matter how they go at times  
And rid yourself of your fear and weakness  
So you can start to live your life

Come on and stand (Come on baby) up again (stand yeah)  
Come on and stand (you can make it)  
Stand you’re gonna run again

Pick up your will and put on your face  
If you need to, just take my hand  
It’s time to demonstrate, don’t hesitate  
Just get up and say yes I can

Come on and stand up again (come on baby)  
Come on and stand (stand yeah)  
Come on and stand (come on, you can make it)  
Stand you’re gonna run again

They went through Glad You Came to cheers before heading off stage. They passed the Golden Goblets before finding Kurt who was leaning against the wall. Sebastian watched as he walked forward, his face not showing anything.

“I’ll be in soon,” Sebastian said, looking at the rest of the Warblers.

They all walked past, heading into the auditorium until only Sebastian remained outside. They stared at each other until Kurt finally said, “You used the song I suggested.”

“David and I agreed it was a good song choice.”

“It was good. Definitely a good acapella song.”

They continued to stare at each other in silence until Sebastian couldn’t stand it any longer. He took a deep breath and said, “Thank you. For everything. For listening and for staying the night after.”

“If you ever need anything, you can call. Even if you want to complain about how I have a girl’s voice and how jealous you are because I have Blaine.”

Sebastian couldn’t help the smile as he walked past Kurt and the rest of the New Directions. He took one last look back to see Kurt still watching him before he walked through the door. Yeah, he was ready to move on. And he knew he had friends who wouldn’t judge him for what had happened.


End file.
